Hey loves, so this post was inspired by my recent solo weekend getaway in Florida. So, here we go. I was in my hotel lobby charging my laptop and my phone, typing away thinking about how much I had such a great time by myself in sunny, hot and humid Palm Beach, Florida. I thought to myself that all woman should at least once do things that they usually would do with people, alone. A few days ago, I graduated from college and had planned a weekend celebratory getaway trip for myself, by myself. At first, I thought maybe I should go with one of my girlfriends but then I was like Nah, I’ve been away before by myself so I think this time I will be solo. When I mentioned my trip to a few people I received different responses, but the popular response was, “are you going by yourself? Moreover, after my “yes” response, the follow-up response was, “girl, you crazy!” However, why, though :-)?
I was shocked because a woman of any age should be able to do some “relationship” type things alone. The responses boggled my mind. However, truth be told for a while now I have been hearing the same thing that is going out unaccompanied, whether it be the movies or dining by yourself can be quite scary. So, what I did was take myself out of my head and into someone else’s head who isn’t like me to see where is this fear coming from so I can be empathetic with them and show them the light, hence this post.
Spending time with yourself and enjoying yourself is a good motivator for your soul even if you have a boo. Doing things by yourself proves to your inner being that you are, and your very own self loves you. You learn to appreciate you and honor yourself in ways that a man should as well. In essence, you are dating yourself, and when you date yourself, you get to know yourself more and become happier with yourself, which in turn increases your self-worth and confidence.
These are three things that woman should learn how to do on her own:
- Dine at a restaurant
- Go to the Movies Alone
- Travel alone
Dine alone at a restaurant
Now since you aren’t concerned about what people think of you, maybe you can try to go to the restaurant alone. Don’t concern yourself with thoughts like, “I don’t have anyone to talk to.”
You don’t need anyone to talk to. You can bring a book, your tablet or even do things on your phone like what I like to do is update my “To Do” notes on my iPhone. You can use this time while you are waiting for your food as downtime to catch up on things like responding to texts and emails. When your food comes, you can savor your food and enjoy it. Something that I do that bides the time is people watch. Hey, it’s not creepy, and this is certainly an option! You can sip on your wine or water and relax a bit before requesting the check, and then you leave. Viola! It goes by quick. Once you do it you will feel fantastic as the woman when the hostess asks, table for one or two and your answer is a solid, no holds barred, “Table for one, please.”
If there has been any restaurant that you have been dying to go to don’t wait for a man to take you or your friends go alone and try it out!
Go to the Movies Solo
Ahhhh, the movies. I love movies. I have been going to the movies alone even if I was in a relationship because I love my “me time” and some girly rom-coms I like to see by myself or with my girlfriends. Here’s a tip, the movies are an easier feat than the restaurant. At least with the movies, you get to sit around a whole lot of people, and it feels like you are in a group opposed to dining alone where you can feel secluded. You will also see a lot more folks there at the movies by themselves so you won’t feel as bad. Grab your popcorn and cookie dough bites with a big ole soda and enjoy the film. Do not worry about people seeing you on the line by yourself or leaving the theater by yourself. I remembered in the beginning when I started going I had this fear in my head that if people saw me going inside the movie by myself and standing on the concession line solo, I looked like a tragic case of “single-dom.” This was my biggest fear, but then I had to get these people out of my head and put my head up high and do it. After a few times, I could do it without a care in the world, but I am not boasting because it took practice! You must realize that you are independent and don’t need someone to be with you to have fun; you are a fun girl! I dare you to go to the movies by yourself!
Even if this is something that you don’t think you can do all the time, at least try it one time. Traveling with friends, family, or your partner is so fun. Traveling alone is fun, too, especially if you make it enjoyable. What I do is have this whole “airport experience” thing that I do where I buy a book to read and two magazines. I also eat at a restaurant and sit at Starbucks and whip out my laptop and write blog posts or manage my business. Each time I have this airport experience, so it keeps me calm, happy, and productive. You can come up with your own experience, and you won’t feel sad at the airport. When you get to your destination and walk into that hotel room, you will feel elated! That whole room is yours beautiful! No sharing with your girlfriend while she continues to get the bathroom floor wet and doesn’t clean it up. All, you have to do is stay safe and enjoy your trip. Plan on what you are going to do each day and look at reviews of each place you desire to go to and be careful, my love! Remember to let people know your whereabouts. For example, I am a runner, and I decided to run along the beach early in the morning, so I let my brother know that I was running and where. Doing things like this will help to ensure safety. Anything can happen just pray and believe that you will be okay and be smart and just don’t let safety reasons stop you from trying this.
Sounds good? If so, read on and if you are hesitant, still read on. My mission is to get you there but first, here are a few reasons listed below on why you may be reluctant to step out on your own.
Some reasons why you may be hesitant:
- Fear of what people will think
- Feelings of boredom or sadness
Fear of what people will think of you:
Let’s be honest here; one of the biggest reasons why some women refuse to go at it alone is the fear of other people’s opinions. Even though we say to ourselves, “we don’t care what people think of us, sometimes we do when it comes to feeling embarrassed or looked at as a spinster or a single, lonely woman. Women don’t want to be viewed as pathetic, and unfortunately, it can seem that way when you see a woman eating alone or traveling alone. Why do people think like this? Well, society’s views are mostly that a woman with a partner is more desirable. However, this is not true! A woman who can hold her own and be alone at a movie theater or restaurant is not woeful; this woman is beautiful inside and out, empowered, independent, and confident! Get those thoughts out of your head and go for it! Those opinions of others do not put food on your table or pay your rent or mortgage. Their just opinions and they don’t control your life. Decide to step outside the box and do something different.
Some women felt that one of the main reasons that women are afraid because of safety reasons. I went out for dinner and drinks with one of my girlfriends, and she asked who was I going with, and I told her by myself, and she said, “Are you flipping nuts? Someone can rob you or worse try to harm you because they know you’re alone.” I told her I would be fine and that I have done this before and you must be smart when you travel alone. In my case, I am very book smart, but I am also street smart. For example, you aren’t going to tell the guy trying to sell you something when he asks are you here alone. You make sure to make up something in conversation and say, “I’m with my whole family for a wedding.” Something like that and to be honest, you don’t have to be “street smart” even though it’s a good thing you simply must have common sense. When you get in car sharing rides, share your location with friends and family. Do things like this, and it will give you more peace traveling alone
Feelings of boredom or sadness:
You may be thinking, what the hell am I going to do by myself? Boredom does set in at times, but you may feel that way a little, but you can get past it because it is a temporary feeling that passes once you change your mind about it. It would be best if you learned to have fun with yourself. Yes, I admit it can be more fun with people and specific trips. I will not go myself because I know going with a friend will be more fun. For example, I have a trip to plan in the next few months to Los Angeles, and I am super excited to go. However, I want to go to the Chinese Theatre, Beverly Hills to window shop (who am I fooling? hah!) and Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles! I would instead do these things with a friend so this type of trip I wouldn’t go alone. However, to a resort where I am just kicking back, I could do that alone and be fine. When it comes to sadness, that is a feeling that exists because of what you are thinking. You are thinking, “I’m pathetic! I’m acting at this restaurant alone. I’m the worst because I don’t have a man and I am at this fancy restaurant alone.” What happens after those types of thoughts? Sadness ensues. All you have to do is change your thinking to something like this, “I am the bomb to be able to go to the movies by myself. I like myself; therefore, I can enjoy my own space and enjoy this food right by my lonesome.
Ladies, you got this! You can go alone at least once in your lifetime to say that you have done it. Do not think that doing these things are humiliating or awkward. Even if you have a significant other, it would be an enriching experience that you can tell your partner about. Push through your fears, and you will learn to like being by yourself and you won’t need always to do something with somebody. It would be best if you didn’t have F.O.M.O (Fear of Missing Out). Get out there for once and live your life. I’m cheering you on, go for it! If you were bold enough, please drop a comment below about your experience. I would love to know.
Until next time, Ciao Bella!
Photo by Sasin Tipchai