DM’s and confusing texts from the ex, oh my! Honestly, I do miss the asshole, and even though it’s hard, I could never go back. He’s fine as shit (inserts some positive self-talk). “Hello, Ty, remember how he treated you terribly.” Well, during a pandemic, you get rather lonely, especially if you live alone and then tend you do dumb stuff. The wonky Jedi mind trick thoughts take over
While you stare at his DM’s and force you to believe things like this:
“It might be ok just to talk, maybe we could just be “friendly?”
Ok, so what the hell do I do? Let’s go back to how this started. We had broken up two years prior to running into him a few months ago at a party. We chatted briefly about random things like the weather and recent events, which turned into him saying, “wait, aren’t you following me on Instagram?”
I responded: No, mothef*&& I unfollowed you on all my social media handles because you were an asshole!
Lies! I didn’t, but what I really said was- “um, no, you know we weren’t following each other…”
He then grabbed my phone went to the IG app, and followed me and vice versa. He smiled. We laughed some more and then we said our goodbyes. My girls were not happy with me because they said I was too smiley with him when I should have given him the deuces. I agreed I made a mistake, but they all have been there before, forgave me, but reminded me that he was not worth my time. I went about my business, and that same night he hit me with the infamous DM:
Me, like a sucka who clearly still held a torch for him wrote back:
I miss you too.
Ugghh, what was I thinking? Those types of texts happened for a little while, and then I stopped responding. He caught on, and he stopped too. Phewww, I was free again…. until
Two months after the complete silence and not viewing each other’s IG stories, I was in my bed during quarantine stuffing my face with my Chipotle nachos and guac when out of the blue, I saw a notification from him asking me if was I good. I raised up on my pillow and paused my show. I must admit, at first, I did feel all warm and fuzzy, but my next thought was WTF, is he trying?
I stared at my favorite character Ruth from the Ozarks who was on pause, screaming at her new love interest, and I felt like I was in her body-screaming at my phone at my previous love interest. I didn’t know what to do because it felt kinda good to hear from him when I am stuck in the house by myself and barely talking to anyone on the phone. I thought about how far I came with my self-esteem, knowing that he wasn’t right for me and that I needed to move on fully, but it was tempting.
I stared at my DM message and wondered could we work again? I thought about the lies, the disrespect, and the cheating, but those memories silently creeped out my window, and I chose to focus on the good times we had.
So, I gave in and responded to him. From that response came a slew of messages of how he still loves me and made a whole mistake on messing up in our relationship. For three weeks, we went back and forth, and I knew I was walking down the black brick road of destruction.
I knew I needed to heal from him and my past traumatic ways, and it didn’t help with checking and responding to his DM’s and texts. I still had lingering feelings for him that come back from time to time because I was feeling lonely.
But then I came to my senses. With self-reflecting, my therapists (a.k.my girlfriends), I started to realize that this would not be a good choice. A time like this in a pandemic can make people think “hey maybe we should be together, maybe we can work this out” No, you broke up for a reason and a pandemic shouldn’t be a reason to get back together.
Right now, we are just feeling extra emotional; this pandemic is no joke! People are dying at alarming rates; and it is evident that we must stay home for our safety, and in self-isolation, it can take a toll on us, and you start thinking you don’t want to be alone. But just two months ago I was happily single!
Then one day, I saw this meme on Insta and I cracked up!
Check it out:
That meme opened my eyes and I remembered the new me. I had a few weak moments but I regained my power. How? I realized who he was and his true spiteful and dishonorable ways. Check out this blog post on how to move on. It took me a few hours that day, but there was a message that he sent me that I didn’t respond too, and I purposely left him on “seen.” He messaged me again and asked, “are we done?”
I DM’d him back and told him no more of this. Let’s just move on and be happy. Oh, and since we are in a serious pandemic, I also told him what we all say now, “Stay safe and be well.”
Game over. I’m back to happily single again, quarantining, kicking butt in my daytime career, working on my business, helping empower women, bettering myself, and yeah, eating my Chipotle watching Ozarks, Season 4.